Food

Gluttons

Hofbrauhaus, Munich

The trunks of these feasting burghers were as wide as casks. The spread of their buttocks over the oak benches was not far short of a yard. They branched at the loins into thighs as thick as the torsos of ten-year-olds and arms on the same scale strained like bolsters at the confining serge. Chin and chest formed a single column, and each close-packed nape was creased with its three deceptive smiles. Every bristle had been cropped and shaven from their knobbly scalps. Except when five o'clock veiled them with shadows, surfaces as polished as ostriches' eggs reflected the lamplight. The frizzy hair of their wives was wrenched up from scarlet necks and pinned under slides and then hatted with green Bavarian trilbys and round one pair of elephantine shoulders a little fox stole was clasped. The youngest of this group, resembling a matinée idol under some cruel spell, was the bulkiest. Under tumbling blond curls his china blue eyes protruded from cheeks that might have been blown up with a bicycle pump, and cherry lips laid bare the sort of teeth that make children squeal. There was nothing bleary or stunned about their eyes. The setting may have reduced their size, but it keyed their glances to a sharper focus. Hands like bundles of sausages flew nimbly, packing in forkload on forkload of ham, salami, frankfurter, krenwurst and blutwurst and stone tankards were lifted for long swallows of liquid which spring out again instantaneously on cheek and brow. They might have been competing with stop-watches, and their voices, only partly gagged by the cheekfuls of good things they were grinding down, grew louder while their unmodulated laughter jarred the air in frequent claps. Pumpernickel and aniseed rolls and bretzels bridged all the slack moments but supplies always came through before a true lull threatened. Huge oval dishes, laden with schweinebraten, potatoes, sauerkraut, red cabbage and dumplings were laid in front of each diner. They were followed by colossal joints of meat -- unclassifiable helpings which, when they were picked clean, shown on the scoured chargers like calves' pelvises or the bones of elephants. Waitresses with the build of weight-lifters and all-in wrestlers whirled this provender along and features dripped and glittered like faces at an ogre's banquet. But all to soon the table was an empty bone-yard once more, sound faltered, a look of bereavement clouded those small eyes and there was a brief hint of sorrow in the air. But succour was always at hand; beldames barged to the rescue at full gallop with new clutches of mugs and fresh plate-loads of consumer goods; and the damp Laestrygonian brows unpuckered again in a happy renewal of clamour and intake.

Patrick Leigh Fermor, A Time of Gifts (New York Review Books, 1977), 104-105.

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Horseradish

Father of Blogger Holding Clean Horseradish Root

Some years ago, in one of my many garden rearrangements, I invited our horseradish out of the field and back into the garden. I had space at the end of the new rhubarb bed which seemed the perfect spot. Being at the edge of the garden, it has tilled or hoed border on two sides, rhubarb on another, and a well mulched path on the inside. A great home for the enthusiastic horseradish. Though the bed was new, it was part of the old garden so the soil was good. Both the rhubarb and horseradish responded to these fresh, rich digs with such enthusiasm that I will be happy when the soil wears out a bit.

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Random Recipe Generator

Pinches Of Salt Creme Brulee
Serves 5

You will need:

  • 4 carrots
  • 20g porridge oats
  • 120ml vinegar
  • 120g self-raising flour
  • 1 pinches of salt

Instructions:

  1. slice the carrots
  2. sprinkle the carrots over the top
  3. toast the self-raising flour
  4. bring the self-raising flour to the boil
  5. simmer the carrots gently for 20 minutes
  6. rinse the porridge oats
  7. heat the porridge oats
  8. eat the vinegar
  9. simmer the porridge oats gently for 20 minutes
  10. rinse the pinches of salt
  11. enjoy

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Bee Catastrophe

Disturbing evidence that honeybees are in terminal decline has emerged from the United States where, for the fourth year in a row, more than a third of colonies have failed to survive the winter.

The decline of the country's estimated 2.4 million beehives began in 2006, when a phenomenon dubbed colony collapse disorder (CCD) led to the disappearance of hundreds of thousands of colonies. Since then more than three million colonies in the US and billions of honeybees worldwide have died and scientists are no nearer to knowing what is causing the catastrophic fall in numbers.

The number of managed honeybee colonies in the US fell by 33.8% last winter, according to the annual survey by the Apiary Inspectors of America and the US government's Agricultural Research Service (ARS).

The collapse in the global honeybee population is a major threat to crops. It is estimated that a third of everything we eat depends upon honeybee pollination, which means that bees contribute some £26bn to the global economy.

-- "Fears for Crops as Shock Figures from America Show Scale of Bee Catastrophe," Guardian, May 2, 2010

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